Friday, December 6, 2013

Pulling the curtain back

I've reached the witching age. Almost 40... Okay 38.5 to be exact. 
What a strange time in my life; when you realize that YOU are the adult, little ones are looking at you to lead them, spouses are looking at you to hold it all together.
When you realize that you don't have to please everyone, and frankly it's impossible and damaging to try. 
You've got all this juggling of relationships. Relationships that are evolving and need to be reevaluated- what do you want to accept and allow or what do you find absolutely intolerable?

When you still love and adore these relationships, but you are able to recognize that the pedestal you've put them on is like Mt. Saint Helen's; it's beautiful, filled with many cracks and crevices and extremely unstable- if the conditions are just right, it could blow. 
An age when you are old enough to see that life is gray... black and white aren't even in the picture. 

The important things in your life are changing and priorities are being reorganized.
Part of these revelations are very encouraging, freeing almost. 
But having the tablecloth ripped out from under the idealistic little table-setting you've created can also be heartbreaking. 

So as with all of these wacky chapters in my life, I will do my best to navigate them as best as I can. I too have flaws...too many to count. 
But I am fiercely loyal and love with all I have, two of my biggest strengths and weaknesses.
I have to trust that this chapter is exactly where I'm supposed to be and that it will have an ending just like all the rest. 
Mary Wendy

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