Friday, March 22, 2013

The State of Childlessness

I recently enjoyed a few days with my bestie and her two younger children, ages 3 and 4. The three year old I have known since he was still a baby, and bald, and it's pretty amazing that he has a head of light brown curls and can talk and play games now. The four year old, not to play favorites, is hands down my favorite child in the whole world! For one thing, she's sweet and happy most of the time, she's girly and meticulous, which I love, and she seems utterly delighted by everything from a cookie to a barrette to being pushed high up into the air on a swing. She's also adorable, and I couldn't walk down the street with her without five people stopping me to tell her how cute she is and ask her her name. She kinda makes my heart feel like Pop Rocks or carbonated cherry soda, and she always has, even when she was too young to speak and would gently poke her finger in my dimple and then touch her own dimple and laugh. I also have a ten year old half-sister. I enjoy children a lot, and I like playing with them and especially challenging them physically, but I don't have any kids of my own, and I'll be 40 in less than a month. That doesn't seem like such a big deal, and people tell me, "You have time!" but there is a big age difference between my sweetie and me-- he is all of 25 years old.  (I realize that's another blog post in and of itself.) Likely he won't be ready for children for at least another 5-7 years, so realistically, I don't know... will I want to be pregnant when I'm  47? I don't think so. My best friend's kids are adopted and my sweetie is also adopted, so adoption is certainly an option that we are not just considering, but leaning toward. Add the facts that I am woefully immature when it comes to certain things, just started a new career two years ago and am being paid like someone who is just starting out in a career, and I kind of enjoy having an immaculately clean house, and... that adds up to a state of childlessness that may end up being a forever thing. Ever since I was a young woman I've always felt, "I love kids, so one day. Just not right now," and at age 39 I still feel the same way! People who don't have kids aren't the selfish, cold, career-driven creatures that others stereotype them to be... sometimes it just "happens to be".

xo Dani Wendy

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