Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Your body after children

When a woman becomes pregnant for the first time, women come out of the woodwork with advice. But what those good intentioned women don't tell you is what having children and being pregnant does to your body long-term.

- You wet yourself when you sneeze, no matter how hard you may clench.

- Pregnancy brain is a real and bonafide thing, except it lasts forever. You don't remember a damn thing for the rest of your life without aid from pen and paper (and that's if you remember where you put that pen and paper in the first place).

- You wet yourself when you laugh, no matter how hard you may clench.

- No matter how perky your breasts were before, they get depressed after children and start dropping.

- You wet yourself when you cough, no matter how hard you may clench.

- Your hair no longer resides around your shoulders, it's permanently in a ponytail.

- You wet yourself when you walk/jump/run, no matter how hard you may clench.

- Stretch marks galore. And for those that had c-sections, a scar to contrast with those stretch marks. I guess it's all about the texture.

- Let us not even talk about the weight. Really. Let's not.

But as I'm sitting here on the couch with my son's head in my lap and my hand in his hair, I realize that it's all ok and I wouldn't change any of my body changes for the world. My 9 yr old says I'm fluffy and what a good pillow my belly makes. He's right. That fluffy belly was earned and it kept the most precious gifts God has given me safe for nine months.

But a warning about the weak bladder crap still would've been nice.

Dawny Wendy

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